It said: "Do you want to go to lunch and a movie tomorrow? She'll pay." Watching Amy Webb's TED talk (in which she details her online dating frustrations⎯until she got all her algorithms right), I was reminded of my own internet adventures before finally meeting my husband on Match in 2006. Calculating debt based on who had caramel in their frappuccino is not. Approaching in the bright orange jacket I'd "borrowed" from a costume shop, I sported a hippy-fringe purse. Chris felt it too, awkwardly standing there in his loafers, pressed slacks, and white oxford.

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If you are reading this chapter it means that you have successfully passed through the early stages of flirtexting and into a fabulous committed relationship. Now, just because you have entered into the land of “we” does not mean that you can call up your cell phone provider and cancel your unlimited texting plan.

Flirtexting is still fantastically important in an existing relationship — only now you’re able to take it one step further.

Me with my exploding inbox, you with your (very sexy) ambition to make email obsolete.

Only, I don’t know if we’re so good for each other, after all.

The more conversations, the more everyone’s expected to participate. This really lowers the bar for what’s considered message-worthy to begin with.

Email may have had its flaws with its jokes sent from distant family members, but my god in heaven do those sound like the halcyon days of tranquility compared to the Diet-Coke-and-Mentos-like explosion of cat gifs, bot feeds, and emoji mashups you’ve brought into my life.

Or, more to the point, I don’t know if firing up a relationship with you ever really fixed what was broken in my other one to begin with. Email started as a frisky exploration into a whole new world and quickly escalated to a scale beyond anyone’s expectations. I think if we’d known just how big the relationship was going to become, email and I would have set things up very differently from the start. It wasn’t long until it was hard to think of a time I’d ever gotten things done without you.

Next thing I knew, email and I had not only put a ring on it, we’d bought a minivan and moved into a little place in the suburbs. Still, a commitment’s a commitment, and we’d settled into a routine we could at least call our own. You were all promises, rose petals, and sex appeal. Because, even though you’re one of the most enjoyable pieces of software I’ve ever jumped into bed with, I’m not sure you’re THE one, and that seems to be more and more of what you’re demanding these days.

I should have stopped responding, but I was physically attracted to him⎯something that didn't happen often. If you answered yes to any of these, you might need a list of polite questions you can bring along on your dates.