They are Dan, Alex, and Marty, budding investment bankers at the same financial firm, which recruited Alex and Marty straight from an Ivy League campus.

Last night, over dinner, I was caught off guard when a female friend of mine—a bookish writer who’s rarely the type to talk explicitly about sex—said to me, “I think guys with really tiny penises should be made to wear a warning.” She continued sternly, “It’s the worst when you meet a guy you’re really into, the chemistry and flirtation are wonderful, and then you find out he has a small dick. After months of flirtation, he finally invited me to the screening of a short film that he’d written, directed, and starred in.

I just think, for god’s sake, I wish I would have known, so I could have avoided investing all that time and energy.”I have to say, it felt like I was living inside an episode of Specifically the final episode of the first season, when Samantha starts dating a lawyer named James, only to find that his penis is so tiny that she can’t even tell when it’s inside her. I went, and actually got butterflies in my stomach while watching him on the big screen.

It’s a balmy night in Manhattan’s financial district, and at a sports bar called Stout, everyone is Tindering.

The tables are filled with young women and men who’ve been chasing money and deals on Wall Street all day, and now they’re out looking for hookups.

WILDER, KY—Distraught over being separated from his comforting, scaly touch, area woman Anika Mitkin told reporters Saturday that she longed for the caress of her boyfriend’s dry, cracked, bleeding hands.

SUNNYVALE, CA—Expressing their concern at the man’s unsettling behavior, uneasy Internet users reported Saturday that some “total creep” has just been hanging around the Entertainment Weekly website all day long.

But then came the scene where his character made a joke about having a small dick.

I might have let the joke slip by unanalyzed if it weren’t for how he went into lengthy detail about the years of insecurity he’d suffered because of his tiny penis, confessing that he special-orders tiny condoms online, because even the smallest condoms available in stores are too baggy and just slip off. But despite this, I agreed to go on a dinner date with the filmmaker the following week, because, well, I really liked him.

Everyone is drinking, peering into their screens and swiping on the faces of strangers they may have sex with later that evening. “Ew, this guy has Dad bod,” a young woman says of a potential match, swiping left.

Her friends smirk, not looking up.“Tinder sucks,” they say. At a booth in the back, three handsome twentysomething guys in button-downs are having beers.

Host Amy Schumer poses on arrival for the 2015 MTV Movie Awards on April 12, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.